What Do You Need?

There is nothing worse than waiting for something that seems to be out of reach. It is the pinnacle of frustration when you can feel the change coming, but yet your arms aren't able to wrap around the very thing that will eventually change you.

I want a child. It can be a daughter or a son.....red, black, white.....blue eyes, brown eyes, purple eyes....I don't care. I just want to hold someone in my arms and begin the journey. It is a piece of my life that I cannot control and it is also a part of my life that I want to have happen. If I could speed up the process I would do so, but that is not something that I am able to do. I think about this child often and I don't even know who she is. I can see the parts of my life that have been missing and they are filled with happiness, but when will this become reality? I have spent many an hour talking to God, pleading to God, yelling at God....and the result has been the realization that this will happen on His time...not mine.

There is a verse from the song "Fix You" by Coldplay that I believe sums up what many of us go through each day.

"When you get what you want, but not what you need."

How many of us can sit back in our homes and look around at a room filled with the "wants" of our lives. From my vantage point I can see TV's, furniture, computers, playstations and numerous other desires that have passed through my doors. I have a house full of wants and yet there are things that I need.

I need the laughter of a child, the warm embrace of a little one, a house that is messy because of use, a companion that eats off the kids menu...the list is endless.

I need to be a father. Why is it taking so long?

All of us have deep seated desires that we keep close to our hearts. It can be something small or something grandeur. It can be something that we had briefly or it can be something that we can see but aren't able to touch. We may look around and think that everyone else has it or it may be something that everyone wants but no one is able to actually hang onto. We all have things that we need and wonder why it takes so long for those needs to come to fruition.

I have been on this earth for over 32 years now and have been lucky enough to see sunrises over the Atlantic and sunsets over the Pacific. I have brought people back to life and watched as people died. I have hit rock bottom and have been to the top. I have cheated death and gained life. I have been present at my daughters birth and cried at her death. I have loved God and I have witnessed a life without faith. I have lived with the wants of life and have watched while my needs are never forgotten. I have sinned and I have been forgiven.

The one constant in all of my life has been the unwavering love of God. It has always been there and even when I turned my back, God never turned His. God understands that I need to be a father and I am confident that I will become one at the right moment. I can selfishly protest to Him and state how unfair this life is, but what does that accomplish? We are not in charge and the sooner we realize that the better off we will be.

Let God work. Let God handle your needs.

It may not happen tomorrow, but when God does deliver...will you be ready?

I think I'll go build a nursery.